Digital Paint Discussion Board
Digital Paint Community => Other Stuff => Topic started by: jitspoe on April 22, 2005, 04:52:40 PM
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<@insomnia> it only takes three commands to install Gentoo
<@insomnia> cfdisk /dev/hda && mkfs.xfs /dev/hda1 && mount /dev/hda1 /mnt/gentoo/ && chroot /mnt/gentoo/ && env-update && . /etc/profile && emerge sync && cd /usr/portage && scripts/bootsrap.sh && emerge system && emerge vim && vi /etc/fstab && emerge gentoo-dev-sources && cd /usr/src/linux && make menuconfig && make install modules_install && emerge gnome mozilla-firefox openoffice && emerge grub && cp /boot/grub/grub.conf.sample /boot/grub/grub.conf && vi /boot/grub/grub.conf && grub && init 6
<@insomnia> that's the first one
http://bash.org/?464385
<Korras> friendship among women: one doesn't come home one night, and tells her bf that she spent the night with a female friend of hers. bf calls 10 of her friends, and none know a thing.
<Korras> friendship amongst men: same thing happens. man says he spent the night at a friends place. gf calls 10 of his friends. 8 confirm he has been there, and the two others say he's still there.
http://bash.org/?475199
<Vash> /ctcp Bot doit passwd <command>
<Vash> try it!
<Kao> okay
-> [Bot] DOIT passwd msg #scripting I love babies
<bot> I love babies
-> [Bot] DOIT passwd /run shutdown -r -t 3 -c "byeeeee"
<Vash> ohhh
* Vash has quit IRC (Connection reset by peer)
* Bot has quit IRC (Connection reset by peer)
http://bash.org/?477397
Scud: The other day, in the park, I was wondering why frisbees look bigger and bigger as they get closer to you
Scud: And then it hit me
http://bash.org/?479067
<plexiglass> what do u mean? I wasnt even here when they tried to takeover the chan
<haplo> Why can't you just admit that you asked them to take it over!?
<plexiglass> Sheez.. didnt expect the spanish inquisition..
* SpanInqui (spanish@34-ZARA-Y343.libre.retevision.es) has joined #commonsense
<SpanInqui> NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!!!!
http://bash.org/?481108
<eGagz-Trevor`> i spilt weiner juice in my lap
<blue[2q]> WHAT?!
<eGagz-Trevor`> the stuff that comes out of those cans with those vienna weiners
http://bash.org/?482546
<Moonpie> one time, in middle school, some people let some pigs onto the campus. They painted on the pigs "1", "2", and "4". The faculty spent weeks looking for the third one.
http://bash.org/?482717
<tag0y> A UNIX saleslady, Lenore,
<tag0y> Enjoys work, but she likes the beach more.
<tag0y> She found a good way
<tag0y> To combine work and play:
<tag0y> She sells C shells by the seashore.
http://bash.org/?483136
This one's long, so I'll just link it: http://bash.org/?484340
<sthmnstr> So I was in this restauraunt with my gf the other day and she wanted to emberas me.
<sthmnstr> I had eaten too much and was holding my stomach moaning and then she's all like 'aww, is the baby kicking?' and i said 'Yup. Thats the last time I eat one of those whole...'
http://bash.org/?484579
More long ones:
http://bash.org/?488793
http://bash.org/?488826
<scytale> man, i suck at cooking
<scytale> was cooking something, piece of food fell on the floor
<scytale> dog ate it up, then threw up
http://bash.org/?489710
Yeah, I was just playing catch up -- hadn't visited bash in a while. Feel free to post more. :)
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<deloused> haha i love when people start telling you stuff like you care when you actually don't and you don't pay attention, and then when they finish they ask for your opinion/advice and you just say "oh yea i totally agree"
<XA> oh yeah, i totally agree
http://bash.org/?521316
random girl: hey!
me: ...hi?
me: who is this?
random girl: Jessica, I saw u on myspace
random girl: ur hot
me: thanks
random girl: np
me: this girl keeps bugging me, but I don't want to talk to her
me: what should I do?
random girl: make up sum excuse, like ur mom is kickin u off or sumthing
me: oh alright
me: I have to go
me: my mom is kicking me off
me: bye
http://bash.org/?520670
<Sloyment> Don't type so fast. This channel looks like Tetris level 50
http://bash.org/?520156
<Trin[awah]> I was dyeing easter eggs, and I said, "my eggs came out all ugly!"
<Trin[awah]> and my brother said to me, "well, now you know how your mother feels."
http://bash.org/?522754
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http://bash.org/?20740
<Inignot> here is a magic trick Mordecai - think of a card in a stardard deck and type done and I will tell you the card.
<Mordecai> done
<Inignot> 10 of diamonds!
<Mordecai> I was thinking 'blue mana'
http://bash.org/?117330
<The_Kirbinator> 3000 mexicans dies yesterday........ 5 car pile-up on the I-10
http://bash.org/?462443
TANK Ex Mortis: I HATE WINDOWS!!!11one
AkiraBlast45387: ha
AkiraBlast45387: y?
TANK Ex Mortis: "Cannot delete file: It is being used by another person or program. Close any programs that might be using the file and try again."
TANK Ex Mortis: WHAT FILE, YOU excrementHOLE OPERATING SYSTEM!?
TANK Ex Mortis: If I was on Linux, it'd be like "There was an error, program X doesn't want you to delete that file. Here's a helpful link to teach you how to get around that. Would you like some tea?"
TANK Ex Mortis: Of course, when I want to install something on Linux, it says "You can't install that until you install these 50 libraries, update these 3 drives, downgrade this 1 driver, and pick my mom up from the airport."
TANK Ex Mortis: Whereas with Windows, it says "Click the next button over and over again until the program is installed. It will then work perfectly unless it doesn't."
TANK Ex Mortis: Unless it's made by Valve, in which case it says "DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIE" and blows up your computer. ;_;
http://bash.org/?7797
<Linguica> it would be funny if i got a serious death threat
<Linguica> wtf
<Linguica> wait a minute
<Linguica> <Linguica> it would be funny if i got a serious death threat
<Linguica> no it wouldnt
http://bash.org/?38284
<JerryBeep> There are two kinds of jokes in the world: Jokes that people respond to by saying "lol" and funny jokes.
<melipompous> lol
<JerryBeep> You bastard.
http://bash.org/?60865
<Bop|Kat> you know what they say about black guys!
<Mondo> yeah
<Mondo> they steal excrement
<Bop|Kat> shut up!
<Bop|Kat> my dads black!
<Mondo> im only screwin round :P
<Bop|Kat> I was only kiddin too
<Bop|Kat> My dad is white
<Bop|Kat> he's an arsehole tho
<Mondo> so he might as well be black ?
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<Tre_Cool>: Man I'm soooo hungry... I could eat more hot dogs than that lil japenese guy.
<Netters>: I got 20 bucks that says you can't do that.
<Tre_Cool>: Listen, I'm not intimidated by you OR your freakish talking money.
http://bash.org/?541795
(placid|work) i knew a girl that was fat just because of her asthma medication
(@Rayn) what was she taking for asthma ... cheeseburgers?
http://bash.org/?543728
<Victorian_Skunk> Is there a new virus going around? My Windows has suddenly changed to another language! I think it's Croatian.
<Dan> You Got Serbed!
http://bash.org/?553790
<@RaptorIIC> Error: Too many arguments when calling GirlFriend();
http://bash.org/?558075
<Buddy`leftBehind`Lee> My wife demanded I take her out some place expensive
<Buddy`leftBehind`Lee> I took her to a gas station
http://bash.org/?565565
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http://bash.org/?8244
<`Trivia`> kq1.169. Swans are the only birds with?
<`Trivia`> 1st Hint: ******* Question Value : 4 Points
*** Joins: StupidFsh
<oregvphf> attitude
<JtHMx> Penises
<oregvphf> ;)
<`Trivia`> YES, JtHMx!!! got the answer -> Penises <- in 11.697 secs, and gets 4 Points
<`Trivia`> JtHMx has won 2 in a row!! Total Points this WEEK: 10 & this MONTH: 10
<JtHMx> what?!?!
<oregvphf> HAHAHA
<JtHMx> I WAS meddling JOKING
<JtHMx> TAKE THE POINTS OFF ME
* oregvphf falls over
http://bash.org/?22707
<burrahobbit> "Hi, my name is Tyson Vandagriff and, I am going to be your roommate next year at OU."
<burrahobbit> AND COMMA
<burrahobbit> HOLY CRAP MY ROOMMATE IS RETARDED
http://bash.org/?948
(jesdynf) I want an emulator that, every time you try to load a game, there's a 6% chance it pops up a dialog that says "It's not loading! Tap the A button to blow the dust out."
http://bash.org/?48505
Jigglyjuff: that's worse then that peanut, butter and jelly sandwich i hear all americans like
<CHAT MattDavis> no
<CHAT MattDavis> peanut butter
Jigglyjuff: oh! that makes much more sense
http://bash.org/?125529
<NES> hah
<NES> speaking of your mom jokes getting me in trouble
<NES> my friend rocky's mom died of cancer
<NES> I had no knowledge of this cancer, I hadn't known him very long
<NES> and I had for a while this obnoxious habit of doing those your mom jokes
<NES> repeating something someone said and inserting their mom
<NES> so I sit down at lunch one day and I hear him say "she died of cancer"
<NES> and I said "your MOM died of cancer"
<NES> *silence*
http://bash.org/?547569
M8525888: here, you gotta press a and e really fast
M8525888: æ
Ryoji 17: ae
Ryoji 17: ae
Ryoji 17: ae
Ryoji 17: ae
...
Ryoji 17: ae
Ryoji 17: ae
M8525888: æ i o u
Ryoji 17: ae
Ryoji 17: ae
http://bash.org/?139462
<Taiken> I had this dream once...
<Taiken> Where my penis grew teeth and attacked me.
<woosh> dude
<woosh> Your penis is cool.
<woosh> I want Taiken's penis
<Kyle> ..
<woosh> That sounded so wrong.
<Kyle> Yeah.
All done.
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lol @ peanut, butter and jelly sandwich.
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I like the second to last one, too.
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It's a long one, but for the love of god, read it all.
http://bash.org/?572066
EDIT:
Found more!
http://bash.org/?564283
<jdigittl> i just filled out an online mortgage application to test something. I just received a phone call from a mortgage broker: "Hi, I'd like to speak with, um, Mr Testy McTest..."
http://bash.org/?572765
SteveDixon23: how hard do you think it would be to build a working EMP bomb?
xanxion: the hard part would be making a video to prove it works.
SteveDixon23: ...
SteveDixon23: this is true.
http://bash.org/?572338
<Shakeman> holy christ, there is a hurricane Beta too?
<Linkin> yeah, its in development..
http://bash.org/?571740
DerANgeD: not cool! ctrl+w closes firefox
DerANgeD: I was trying to press shift+w and accidentally hit my ctrl button
Triumph: whats shift+w?
DerANgeD: a capital W stupid donkey
http://bash.org/?564842
<%typobox43> (I/O, I/O, it's to the bus we go)
<%typobox43> I can just imagine the electrical pulses singing that.
<+BlindFool> You need to be shot
http://bash.org/?564342
<Kiell> So I get a text message on Friday from a number I didn't recognise...
<Kiell> it reads:
<Kiell> "Hi agatha this is betty i do not have very many clothes to be ironed this week i am sorry but please can you come next week. i hope you are well. betty."
<Kiell> I ponder this for an hour or two, and then reply:
<Kiell> "That's ok, betty. I meddling suck at ironing. See you next week. Aggie."
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One of my favorites has always been..
http://bash.org/?75154
I love bash. It's like the Sportscenter of IRC. You don't have to be there for the whole thing to see the best parts.
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nurv3947: So, I was talking to one of my friends, and she's kinda fat, right?
nurv3947: And this woman walks up to us, looks at my friend and asks "Are you pregnant?"
nurv3947: And she says "Yes, I got gang raped by twelve donuts."
nurv3947: Honestly, I almost died.
nurv3947: I just turned and walked away.
nurv3947: I couldn't even walk straight.
http://bash.org/?572797
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NTG85002: Hahaha
NTG85002: Today I was at my psych 101 lecture, of about 300 people, and we were talking about Freud's psychosexual stages, and how he thought homosexuality was credited to an lack of influence from the same sex parent.
NTG85002: So in the middle of class, my friend says "I don't believe that. If not having one of your parents around led to homosexuality, there would be a lot more black homosexuals."
NTG85002: The teacher was speechless.
http://bash.org/?575874
<testman> i asked my girlfriend to come home to watch the last samurai
<testman> and she answered "i'd like to, but i didn't see the first ones"
http://bash.org/?574238
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http://bash.org/?576116
<Quast> bbg: homosexuality isn't a badge you get after you intercourse a guy in the ass for the first time
<Quast> or get it yourself
<xooz98> which badge do you get again?
<xooz98> the boy scouts system is so complicated
http://bash.org/?576099
Chronic Munchies: imagine if anne frank had a BLOG instead of a DIARY
Chronic Munchies: currently listening to: nazis pounding on the door
GenAmonX2K: Current Mood: concentrating
http://bash.org/?574642
* Porter is now known as PorterWITHGIRLFRIENDWHOISHOT
<Strayed> he shot his girlfriend?
http://bash.org/?574136
<tinks> besides, the more i have in savings, the more i can put into my 401k every month
<tinks> yeayyyyy 401k
<brat> Doesn't 401k come out of your paycheck, not savings?
<grue> heh, they should havae called the savings accounts at Enron the 404k
<grue> savings not found
http://bash.org/?573611
<chiby> base? is that another word for acid?
<spriggan> wtf, when's your chemistry exam?
<chiby> tomorrow
<spriggan> hahahahaha, oh man, you're screwed
http://bash.org/?573406
<Ryz0r> are your parents gona be at your party?
<z3phyr> my mum is
<Ryz0r> is she cool?
<z3phyr> yeah she is she lets me pretty much do what i want when i want
<z3phyr> all my mates think she is cool which is worrying
<Ryz0r> you think you've got it bad
<Ryz0r> all my mates want to sleep with my mum
<z3phyr> well she is pretty fit
<Rey> Yeah, I'd hit it.
<Lord_roostertax> me too!
<Ryz0r> AAGH!!
http://bash.org/?9100
* Ryo curses his swiss-cheese memory
* Grue curses his fondue memory. It's all melty and stuff. o_o;
http://bash.org/?13359
<TrivBot> Question 3. A man's beard grows fastest when he ______?
<_Cozmo_> shaves it
<emul8or__> shaves
<RatAway> jacks off
<TrivBot> Here's a hint: antici
<Rjx> anticipates sex
<TrivBot> Rjx got the answer: anticipates sex. In: 5.7secs.
<Rjx> wtf?
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;D ;D
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If you keep making that face, it'll get stuck like that.
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my face IS stuck like that
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That explains why you keep making that face, then.
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Its what botox does to you...
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* andy Quit (Quit: Your Mom is so dumb that she tried to minimize a 12 variable function to a minimal sum of products expression using a karnaugh map instead of the Quine-McCluskey Algorithm.)
http://bash.org/?582005
<savenor> i just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by fleeing the scene of the accident
http://bash.org/?583627
<Yaksha> I asked my brother what he wanted for Christmas.
<Yaksha> He said he wanted cold hard cash.
<Yaksha> So that's exactly what I gave him.
<Yaksha> I got 20 $1 bills, soaked them in water and put them in the freezer.
<Yaksha> When he got it, it was just a block of green ice that took a day to thaw.
http://bash.org/?596241
<Grid> Hey Psyko, if the world was gonna end in 3 minutes, what would you do?
<Psyko> I'D SCREW ANYTHING THAT MOVES!!! What would you do?
<Grid> ... ... ... I'd stand very very still. o.o;
http://bash.org/?596983
<<Newtype> "Chrono Trigger was supervised by a group referred to as "The Dream Team", consisting of Hironobu Sakaguchi (producer of the Final Fantasy series), Yuji Horii (director of the Dragon Quest games), character designer Akira Toriyama (of Dragon Ball and Dragon Quest fame), venerable producer Kazuhiko Aoki, and Nobuo Uematsu (of Final Fantasy fame)."
<<Newtype> seriously, the only thing that could have made that any better was having Jesus on that team
<<Schwarz> Jesus was a carpenter, what the hell would he know about video games?
http://bash.org/?597487
<ronald_jeremy> haha, im taking this ethics certificatino thing online...they have the answers in the source code
http://bash.org/?597875
<dura> I really think I'm a moron.
<dura> I just now realised that Neo spelled backwards is one.
http://bash.org/?597921
<WorldEdit> do you think the word emo would be accepted in scrabble
<Sevivrus> Of course not. Emos are never accepted anywhere.
http://bash.org/?598463
<alan> if you were a credit card, you'd be a visa, since you're everywhere i want to be.
<sp4nk> You'd be American Express. No one accepts you.
http://bash.org/?601636
<death09>my girlfriend broke up with me and sent me pix of her and her new boyfriend in bed
<ktp753>ouch.
<death09>yeah.i sent them to her dad
http://bash.org/?602698
hotpinkcutie09: yea let me tell you he spent one ENTIRE class talkin about how to spell prapoganda
MisgivenGlassJaw: My guess is that you slept through that lesson
http://bash.org/?604773
<Drhubbard> watched this film called 'anal lesbians' the other day.
<Drhubbard> they spent about half the film going through the fridge labelling everything..
http://bash.org/?583650
<Arendra> A smiley says a thousand words
<Arendra> :-)
*** Arendra has quit IRC (Excess Flood)
http://bash.org/?587662
silic0nsilence: So it's black friday at CompUSA.
Slider: Yea
silic0nsilence: We were to open up at 12am. It's 11:58pm and there is a HUGE line of blood-thirsty, hard drive-wanting, maniacs. So my friend dares me to scream we have one xbox360.
Slider: Holy excrement.
silic0nsilence: So he gives me $20. I go up to the gate and scream, "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE HAVE JUST RECIEVED ONE XBOX360!!" Immediatly people are storming the gate, passing me money through the cage to get it. They were screaming and knocked over this old lady. My boss just looks at me with these red eyes. In them, I saw fear and rage.
Slider: Omg you dumb excrement!
Slider: Wait a second, it's 12:46A, and it's black Friday. What did this happen minutes ago? Shouldn't you be at work?
silic0nsilence: Yeah..
silic0nsilence: Pretty sure I don't work at CompUSA any more..
http://bash.org/?587801
Haha, why are people so obsessed with the 360?
<TomskE`away> omg best thing ever
<TomskE`away> if u get pulled over by like highway cops
<TomskE`away> you go " i bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the highway cops ball"
<TomskE`away> so they go
<TomskE`away> "highway cops dont have balls"
http://bash.org/?589901
<Musket> is there an echo in here?
<ManOfStuff> an echo in here?
<FessyBugger> in here?
<Kajifox> here?
http://bash.org/?590322
<Leitari> omg
<Leitari> king kong is long
<Leitari> ^^
<Leitari> my ass hurts
<Leitari> wait
<Leitari> that didnt sound right
http://bash.org/?592351
<+Kamasutra> i had a dream that the RIAA busted into the shower cause i was singing too loud
http://bash.org/?595485
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oh man those are funny. i wont say lol because they where funny.
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<Nihility> I wanna buy starcraft cereal.
<NoJuice4u> with marshmallow zerglings????
<Inside> kekekekeke sugar rush
http://bash.org/?604965
<Dogan> GUYS, STORY TIME
<Dogan> So my teacher's friend's friend or something
<Dogan> She was dogsitting one day
<Dogan> Shows up the first time, finds the dog dead on the floor, right?
<Nightryde> how embarrassing
<Dogan> SO she's gotta pack the dog corpse up and take it to the vet so they can dispose of it or whatever
<Dogan> She can't find anything to fit it in, so she stuffs it in a freaking SUITCASE
<Dogan> She didn't have a car so she has to take the train through Chicago
<Zeelot> oh mannnn
<Dogan> This guy helps her carry the case on and is like
<Dogan> "this is pretty heavy, what's in it?"
<Dogan> lady replies "just some computer things"
<Dogan> the guy SOCKS HER IN THE FACE AND RUNS OFF WITH THE CASE
<Nightryde> AHAHAHA HOW would you pawn that sort of thing???
http://bash.org/?605550
<Sarah> lol, i was at a speech and debate tournament in 9th grade at a public high school in albuquerque. the counselor's office was right next to the culinary arts office. on the counselor's office window, there was a poster that said "Suicide: A permanent solution to a temporary problem" and on the culinary arts window there was a poster that read: "Use the right knife"
http://bash.org/?606775
<zexis> hmmm you think this statistic is real?
<zexis> every 2 minutes a woman is raped in Ohio
<hal> why doesn't she just move?
<zexis> ?
http://bash.org/?608067
<David_0mega> google maps has taught me many things
<junkntrunk> such as?
<David_0mega> that my neighbor has a pool for one thing
http://bash.org/?608156
Chodeskius: hey whats a good name for my kitten
Shniznite: Qwerty
Chodeskius: that sounds so familiar
Chodeskius: where did u get qwerty.. oh.
http://bash.org/?609178
< plasmadis> One time my dad stole a roll of brightly-colored stickers from a butcher's counter that said "BREASTS" and went to the video store and stuck them on all the movies that looked likely to contain nudity.
http://bash.org/?609240
* Now talking in #Democrats
<Gunman> is anybody here?
<Gunman> hmm...everybody's an op, but nobodys doing anything...
<Gunman> so im definately in the #democrats channel...
http://bash.org/?609999
<spazbob> im orderin a black dvd writer, on the assumption it'll run faster
http://bash.org/?611400
<Rebbel> Man Google Earth is awesome
<Android18> Why?
<Rebbel> Im looking at my house
<Rebbel> brb, pizzas here
<BFMV> Now thats what i call technology
http://bash.org/?615496
<J-Dawg> no, I just refuse to turn on my heat after my $255 heating bill
<WeirdAl> 1 dollar more and you'd need another bit
http://bash.org/?616101
<inspin> so just as I cutting into my pizza, the bell rang
<inspin> It was the little girl from nextdoor, asking where my sister was
<inspin> so I hold up the knife covered in tomatosauce and say in an evil voice "she's not here right now"
<3ll3> LOL
<inspin> so she screams and runs away
<inspin> I felt guitly so I start chasing her saying "I'm sorry"
<inspin> Then her father sees me chasing after his little girl with, what he must have thougt, a bloody knife
<3ll3> I hope he called the cops on you :p
<inspin> well no, but I don't think I'm getting my knife back anytime soon :(
http://bash.org/?616894
ErrorHst : im getting tired of your ignorance
DoomDayMassacre : im not ignoring u
http://bash.org/?618078
<Altair> hey guys
<Altair> gotta question for you all.
<Altair> If you could listen to one song before you died, what would it be?
<Spike> The song that never ends?
http://bash.org/?618579
... still catching up. Haven't read bash in a while.
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Lolz.
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Rofl, jitspoe. The last one.
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lol!! i have never heard of bash, this is halarious.. my mom asked why i was laughing so hard.. and i told her b/c bill gates a pervert that intercourses his "floppy Drive".. ouch she hit me pretty darn hard :(
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[Sativa] My sister earlier, got pulled over by a cop
[Sativa] He said 'Can I see your licence'
[Sativa] And she gave him her credit card on accident
[Sativa] And he is like 'I only accept cash'
http://bash.org/?620397
<Bonz> I saw a debate in the US Congress where the Coast Guard and others were saying it's impossible to smuggle nukes into the US. One of the Congressman asked, "What if they're smart enough to pack it in a bale of marijuana? We know you can't stop THAT."
http://bash.org/?623132
<predation> so I'm at work and this kid rings the bell on the counter RIGHT behind me
<predation> the kid goes "SORRY" when I turn around
<predation> kid's mom goes "sorry isn't an excuse when you do something stupid on purpose"
<predation> i'm putting it on a t-shirt
http://bash.org/?623457
<pixadel> Fine, Java MIGHT be a good example of what a programming language should be like. But Java applications are good examples of what applications SHOULDN'T be like.
http://bash.org/?624194
So true... except for the first part.
<Nickster> Time for me to make some breakfast! :)
<Nickster> Is anyone from England? I have a question.
<Speck> Im from England and if your asking about english muffins Ill kick you.
<Nickster> nvm then.
http://bash.org/?624209
<Jaques> What if there was a Resident Evil game in France?
<sands> it'd be boring as excrement
<sands> all the zombies would run away
http://bash.org/?625311
<Dave123> So I there’s this virgin girl I know, she is Inconceivable
<Turtleman> no she's unbearable
<NINJAmes> no you idiots, she's Impregnable
http://bash.org/?625882
<Handy> There are 2 kinds of people in the world.
<Handy> 1. Those who need closure.
<Marko> And?
<DavyP> AND?
http://bash.org/?626249
ShamanMumboJumbo: Dude, I hate AIM Triton but I had to get it because all my friends have it and I can't share files otherwise
ViewtifulDom: Peer2Peer Pressure?
http://bash.org/?626676
<Cobra> so i was watching a pr0n
<Thunder> wait
<Thunder> why u guys always say pr0n instead of porn ??
Thunder has been kicked by Guardian (No porn on this channel !)
<Cobra> ...
<Cobra> so i was watching a pr0n
http://bash.org/?627168
-
<walt> So I play Tony Hawk Pro Skater all the time right
<walt> And I'm thinking
<walt> That's so awesome, I should learn how to skate!
<walt> So one of my sister's friends left her skateboard here, and I started to detective around on it
<walt> Long story short, I fell over and broke my wrist
<walt> Now I can't play Tony Hawk.
<norl> lol stupid donkey
TheItch: Dude, funniest thing ever!
TheItch: I walk into the bathroom at work, walk up to a urinal, and get ready to... you know.
TheItch: From one of the stalls, I hear a low rumble, which escalates to a groan, and then to a roar.
TheItch: What follows can only be described as the most vile and putrid sounds of human excretion in history. This man apparently pooped out his intestines.
TheItch: Moments later, I hear from the same stall, "Oh god! Someone CALL AN AMBULANCE!"
TheItch: Now, this is an executive restroom at a private bank, and the door has a number lock on it, so it's not some kid trying to be funny. And the man sounded genuinely distressed.
TreesSneezing: lmao! What did you do?
TheItch: Suppressed my laughter as best as I could, zipped up and got the hell out of there.
<comwalk> Remember, here in the U.S.A, we have reached a new age.
<comwalk> NOBODY is responsible for their own actions.
<comwalk> Remember that.
<comwalk> Holy excrement! I killed somebody! Bob made me do it!
<comwalk> Bob: Joe made me do it!
<comwalk> Joe: I blame the media!
<comwalk> Media: Videogames.
<comwalk> Videogames: Personal responsibility?
<comwalk> Personal Responsibility: <AFK>
QB: My brother went to see the Globetrotters last night...
QB: <spoilers>Globetrotters won!</spoilers>
Come: ARG
Come: I HAD THAT ON TAPE
* Bishi (~somebody@newt-news.com) has joined #zgeek-tech
<Bishi> op, op-me-do
<Bishi> you know, I'd op you
<Bishi> I'll always be true
<Bishi> so ple-e-e-ease...
<Bishi> op me do
<Bishi> </beatles>
* Rickfemale dog sets mode: +o Bishi
<joshua_> C ECE DBRY AOT URP YDAY TCBE RU YRPYGP.!
<joshua_> BRYDCBI CO ,RPYDF RU YDAY TCBE UR YRPYGP.!
<joshua_> AaAAAAAAAAAAAAAACC.............................!
<joshua_> AND intercourse YOU TOO MR. DVORAK
(I could translate that ;) )
<RandalCalrissian> Who wrote an essay entitled 'Advice to a Young Man on choosing a Mistress'?
<Jeegoo> Cassanova
<RandalCalrissian> Here's your 1st hint, B___am__ ____k___
<Jeegoo> no idea
<Randal> dr seus
<Jeegoo> hee
<Zwuh> Al Gore
<RandalCalrissian> Here's your 2nd hint, _en_a_in _r_n__i_
<RandalCalrissian> Here's your 3rd hint, B_njami_ Fra__lin
<Zwuh> Benjamin Frankin
<Jeegoo> Benjamn franklin
<Randal> benjamin frankls
<Randal> oop
<Randal> s
<Zwuh> haha
<RandalCalrissian> Time's up! The answer was: Benjamin Franklin
<Zwuh> way to spell, team!
<MMB> !8ball AM I THE HOTTEST GUY IN HERE
<ChanServ> MMB: No.
<MMB> !8ball do you know who is?
<ChanServ> MMB: Sure. Yeah. Exactly.
<Yardbomb> !8 It's me isn't it?
<ChanServ> Yardbomb: Sure. Yeah. Exactly.
<Ant-> !8 you said that out of pity didn't you?
<ChanServ> Ant-: Yes.
<fahd> stop making fun of my religion. islam isn't funyn, it's serious
<fahd> now shutup, i have to study for calculus
<Hat> Fahd, is Allah good at calculus?
<fahd> >:(
<Hat> Yeah, I guess not. He's only good at bomb mak.... I mean chemistry.
<ViRuS[afk]> you guys ever get that feeling while youre having a piss, and you think "if I was asleep right now, and this was a dream, I'd be wetting myself", and think you might be dreaming and freak out?
<ViRuS[afk]> cmon nobody has ever had that feeling?
<ViRuS[afk]> jesus christ I just made a detective of myself, didnt I? :
http://bash.org/?153841 <-Long! And, sexual content. Like that's new...
<ColonelCoroner> darn, my girlfriend just meddling confused herself in trying to use the calculator on her cell. Stupid female dog.
<Piro-nuts> ...dude, what did you expect from the peroxide-bleached blonde?
<ColonelCoroner> I dun intercoursein know. She CALLED me on her cell, to ask how to USE the calculator on her cell.
<Piro-nuts> I think women are INNATELY stupid, that's the only reason to explain it.
<ColonelCoroner> Dude, with all this cloning and genome excrement going around, there's gotta be a time when women will contain intelligent DNA.
<Piro-nuts> Yah, but like, 90% of them spit it out...
kdone.
-
I didn't get the Globetrotters one.
-
Jits, we need some new smilies in here. So I can express my dissappointment. In you.
...using smilies.
-
<b3nz0rz>: A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, "Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" I said "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too".
http://bash.org/?628411
<TSPhoenix> You're so lame that you can encode mp3s.
http://bash.org/?628582
Laudanum: I think my ability to communicate has gone downhill.
kaltegeburt: I don't understand.
http://bash.org/?629711
-
This thread should be renamed "The best of the Latest button"
Yeah, moving on.
<Chcherrycola>Oh excrement I'm intercoursed
<Chcherrycola>I hid my weed in my PSP carrying case. So I get up to go get some and I can't find it anywhere, then I realise my little brother must have taken it with him on the plane to Florida with my family... O_O
<WarMoose> Think about how stupid the average person is. Now realize that half of them are dumber than that.
<Chunda> Why half?
<Coma.> I'm drawing a pony for my friend
<Coma.> Except I can't draw so basicly I am drawing a horse only making it look small.
<Coma.> Because a pony is basicly just a little horse.
<Fish> wtf? No they aren't!
<Fish> That's like saying a midget's a person!!
<Towzzer> hey ufo
<ufo8mydog> hey ugly
<Towzzer> that's not my nick
<ufo8mydog> sorry, i'm a faceperson, not a nameperson
<Towzzer> ouch
bananza: i feel bad for ugly people
rotino: empathyy
bananza: yeah
bananza: like a lot
rotino: look up empathy
bananza: oh intercourse u
<DooMGoaT> OMG
<DooMGoaT> SQUASH THE SPIDER AND WIN AN XBOX 360!
<DooMGoaT> shame none of the 360 games are as good as the spider squashy banner
Ziggy: Everytime I hear a strange noise, I have a zombie panic attack.
Lusty: what is it with you and zombies?!
Ziggy: Are you not afraid of zombies?
Lusty: they don't exist.
Ziggy: That's what they think in movies too.
Ziggy: Right before the invasion.
<meeb> what the intercourse
<meeb> highly religious client just rang up
<meeb> wants us to automatically take their website down at sunset on a friday until sunrise on a monday
<meeb> as using an online shop is bad and evil over the sabbath
* Qwyxzl growls at his connection
* Furion sees his virus is working.
* Qwyxzl gets out his Furion voodoo doll
* Furion Quit (Ping timeout)
<Elessa> whoa!
^ Everyone upvote that.
And on that note, it's "The best of the Random button" time!
<maddox> You know what I hate? Programs that pretend like they're sentient beings. Ftp daemons are the worst.. you type "bye" and it responds: "221 bye bye".. or your login fails and you execute a command, it says "log in first, then I might let you do that." Yeah? Well echo "intercourse you" > /usr/bin/ftp
<professor> hahaha.
<maddox> "bzip2: I won't write compressed data to a terminal."
<maddox> no, "you" won't write anything because you can't. You're a piece of excrement binary written by a lonely programmer who has seen 2001 too many meddling times.
<Foobar> hah the FBI is probably monitoring us
<Foobar> BOMB BUILDINGS PLANES BOMBS HIJACK HIJACK BOMBS OSAMA BIN LADEN TERRORIST
*** Foobar has quit IRC (Read error: Connection reset by peer)
<Jaayy> I like my coffee the way I like my members of a socially disadvantaged class.
<Naive-EOC> Dead?
<Derid-EOC> In the Field?
<Ball-licker> In jail?
<Humur> Killing each other?
<Naive-EOC> Stealing?
<Sailym> Covered in blood?
<Humur> 5$ a piece?
<Derid-EOC> Stupid?
<Jaayy> ...
<Jaayy> BLACK YOU meddling RACIST BASTARDS! I LIKE MY COFFEE BLACK!
<@GameBot> 186. Why is the sky blue?
<Anima-> prism
<@GameBot> Here's a hint: The colour wavel***** ** **** ** ******* **** *** ***** *******
<Anima-> :(
<Anima-> haha
<infinitySPZ> ..........
<Serimestari> yyyyyeah.......
<infinitySPZ> This is why some questions shouldn't get into trivia
-plot· then i masterbated
-plot· :D
+chimney· we didn't need to know that last part
-plot· but you wanted to know
+chimney· oh yes, i just LOVE knowing when EVERY ONE has recently masturbated
+chimney· it's my top priority, i made a mysql database just to keep track
-plot· dude
-plot· thats sick
S'All.
-
<jimmy_> i use norton
<BoltBait> Norton's is the most annoying anti virus software ever!
<jimmy_> what do you meen? i hardly notice notice its there
<BoltBait> Really? Then it's probably not working.
<jimmy_> ...
<jimmy_> u may be right
<jimmy_> the tray icon isnt there anymore
<jimmy_> excrement!
http://bash.org/?631051
Banjax: dude, totally hilarious, I'm walking down the street and around the corner I see these people protesting outside a coat shop that sells fur coats. They had buckets of red paint
TurboJesusDELUXE: oh boy
Banjax: this one woman comes around the other corner wearing a fur coat of her own. The whole crowd turns on her like wolves on a lamb, and the closest girl with a bucket of paint throws it on her
Banjax: so she's dripping with paint and starts screaming like she's been shot, and then she's like "it's a fake fur coat, you dumb female dog!"
Banjax: and without missing a beat the other chick says "that's okay, it's fake blood"
TurboJesusDELUXE: HAHA, awesome
http://bash.org/?631753
<who> i can't watch brokeback mountain for the same reason i can't watch horror movies
<who> i would scream "HE'S RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!!" in the middle of the theater
http://bash.org/?631937
monetcopy: girls are like nun chucks
monetcopy: they are awesome!
monetcopy: but when u mess up it hurts
monetcopy: ...alot
http://bash.org/?632841
And now for the randoms:
<ihatestan> god I hate my little brother
<ihatestan> its my mothers birthday and I got her a Amethyst necklace
<ihatestan> than out of no where my brother goes "mom has +3 strengh"
http://bash.org/?71442
<EvilDygel> There's not much else I want to do with this until Adam rebuilds the Domino server.
<Foobar> did he knock it over?
http://bash.org/?82094
<PyroP> My sister has freinds over. They're banging the piano.
<piman> PyroP, Uh...
<aer> I see..
<PyroP> ^banging^banging on
http://bash.org/?7111
<Peter> Can I help you John?
<HuH> just call me father penis
<Peter> In that case, call me Lorena Bobbit.
* Peter sets mode: +b *!*Da@*.ath.bellsouth.net
* HuH was kicked by Peter (Bye!)
http://bash.org/?44867
<Rayn> if you had to pick between a compaq and a dell, what would you take?
<Draco> death
http://bash.org/?279100
* Quits: FuTar0 (Quit: and /part were sitting in a tree and /part fell off, who was left?)
http://bash.org/?394892
<J-Dawg> no, I just refuse to turn on my heat after my $255 heating bill
<WeirdAl> 1 dollar more and you'd need another bit
http://bash.org/?616101
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<mmiikkee12> XD, i just got the best spam message ever
<mmiikkee12> "Make $$$ Fast"
<mmiikkee12> "Hold down your shift and 4 keys at the same time. In about a second you will be making $$$ fast."
http://bash.org/?636447
<KittieRose> So I get this email from this girl.
<KittieRose> "I made out with a chick and got mono..."
<KittieRose> I email her back.
<KittieRose> "If you'd have made out with two chicks, would you have gotten stereo?"
http://bash.org/?636215
<Harkila> i've always wondered what "holy excrement" actually is
<Harkila> my strongest mental image is about the pope taking a crap
<bleak-> a radiant turd with a halo
<Rancid-> like, xbox?
http://bash.org/?635683
<BenS> Matt, have you heard about that webserver that's running off a potatoe for power ... just displays a text smiley face and takes like 15 seconds to load?
<Omnica> Brings new meaning to the term "server farm"
<BenS> You should be shot.
http://bash.org/?635493
<+kostya> what means "+" befor my nick?
<@chopra> kostya: it means someone made a mistake
http://bash.org/?137079
<badaboom> who can help me ? i'm french and i don't know irc
<Paladine> can't help you with the being french part, you are screwed their mate
http://bash.org/?199336
-
oh man i love these things. but i dont understand the first one. oh well
-
Try holding down your shift key and hitting 4.
-
#43804 +(125)- [X]
<Rossell1> you know I was walking down the street yesterday and it was dark
<Rossell1> and I though to myself
<Rossell1> "Have to turn up the gamma"
<Overlord> someone needs a life
<CitizenErazed> but that's because you're stupid.
<Rossell1> true
-
<epx> Some hacker is trying to hack into my computer for the last couple of days. Norton firewall blocked the hacker everytime. I know it is from the same person because the same IP address (192.168.1.100) keeps poping up. How do I locate his location using his IP address? What can else can I do?
#188680 +(1164)- [X]
tigeraid: another baby?
tigeraid: jesus christ lady it's a vagina, not a clown car
#565246 +(633)- [X]
<snow> hurricanes are like women
<snow> when they come, they're wet and wild, and when they leave they take your house and car.
#572480 +(654)- [X]
<DoomDemon> I have good news and bad news.
<DoomDemon> The good news is that I had some really great sex with my wife last night.
<DoomDemon> And she even screamed "Oh John!" during orgasm.
<PhylumDeviant> isnt ur name dave?
<DoomDemon> Yeah, that's the bad news...
-
ohh ok jits it sounded like just hold down shift and 4 keys lke asdf or any comp of 4 keys.
-
Hmm, you got it confiused with the forkies?
(http://jitspoe.planetquake.gamespy.com/images/art/junk/forkies.gif)
-
:o
-
Oh god, jits.
On a side note, you really need to start drawing crazy sketches of members. Lest you die.
-
hahah those bashs are hilarious.
-
eiii: You mean like this (http://dpball.com/forums/index.php?topic=63.0)?
-
Yeah, continue those.
-
<selene|metro> and i thought that i saw you looting
<selene|metro> i thought that i saw you gate friends here
<selene|metro> thats me in the dungeon
<selene|metro> thats me in the twilight, losing my connection
http://bash.org/?636765
<aamP> i named my two goldfish 1 and 2
<aamP> because if 1 died i still had 2
http://bash.org/?637552
<Asher_Dorn> somebody suggested that the offical name for our merry straight alliance should be "All You Need Is Love"
<Asher_Dorn> i had to tell him the acronym is AYNIL
http://bash.org/?637722
<trent> Dude, did I leave my platinum cube at your house?
<44lark> Nope, I was in the basement today and didnt see it
<trent> excrement, I dont know where I left it then
<44lark> ya, hope you find it, im gonna go play Super Smash Brothers
<trent> ok
http://bash.org/?638691
* @darklyndsea claws bizarre's eyes out
<@Bizarre> (
http://bash.org/?639555
dazed: yeah my mom caught my brother jacking off to Powerpuff Girls
dazed: she didnt yell at him because she was laughing so hard
dazed: she just told everyone at his birthday party the next day
BaileD: You have the most intercoursed up family ever. Period.
http://bash.org/?640259
<Dilbert> my dad owns a company "Incestors inc."
<Dilbert> investors*
<Dilbert> i meant
http://bash.org/?55034
-
<Onyxus>: Have you ever been pwned by a 4 year old? I have, and so has my son.
<Onyxus>: 1.) I was riding in the car with my family and my daughter (as I have taught her) randomly said "I pwned a noob!" Being a proud father I reached back and said "Gimme five" to which she promptly responded "No you're the noob!"
<Onyxus>: 2.) Just today me and the missus were sitting in the living room watching TV while the kids were on the porch playing in their tiny little swimming pool. My son ran up to the back door and was yelling something unintelligible at it, when my daughter ran up behind him and dumped a cup full of water over his head...multiple times. He ran off, most likely to cry in a corner somewhere, and she looked at me through the door and yelled "I pwned a noob Daddy!"
<Onyxus>: Words can not describe the pride I feel in how I've brought up my daughter...
http://bash.org/?641942
<Rose> ahaha...I remember this one time at a tattoo parlour
<Rose> and this girl wanted a tattoo on her lower back
<Rose> and she told the artist "yeah, I want something symbolic"
<Rose> so I wrote "Exit only" in chinese
http://bash.org/?642504
<Warfle> So get this.
<Warfle> I'm getting my car inspected and theres this girl in line ahead of me.
<Warfle> Pushing her car.
<Warfle> "I don't think she's going to pass inspection"
http://bash.org/?643852
<kasierlord55> hi guyz how r u all doin???
<Blarrrg> Dear kasiserlord55,
<Blarrrg> Please stop raping me.
<Blarrrg> Love,
<Blarrrg> The English Language.
http://bash.org/?644205
Drahmen: I unbutton your blouse and start to massage your brest.
Higgs23: I moan and start to undo your pants.
Drahmen: Wait a minute...This is the wrong window.
Higgs23: I noticed.
Drahmen: WTF dude?
Higgs23: I felt like playing along.
http://bash.org/?644329
Pep Boy Manny02: I was a little disappointed yesterday.
Pep Boy Manny02: Got "Religion for Dummies" from the library.
Pep Boy Manny02: You know how the "...For Dummies" books usually have the bomb icon for, "Don't do this!"?
Pep Boy Manny02: This one didn't.
http://bash.org/?644782
<Blabber> i just started working out, to get me some muscle and feel confident
<Blabber> so after the first time, i come home and look at myself in the mirror
<Blabber> to see if there is already improvement
<Blabber> my mom steps in and says "you look good enough to play in a warmovie"
<Blabber> so she boosts my confidence and i say thx! like a sergeant you mean?
<Blabber> and i swear to god then she says: no like a concentration camp victim
<Blabber> she left the room laughing her ass off...
http://bash.org/?644835
<Ashley`> thats the first example of sex with a birdhouse ive ever seen
<[Rabite]> second here
<[Rabite]> but definately the funnier of the two
http://bash.org/?646418
creativeembassy: you know what's really, REALLY cool about the dvorak keyboard?
glotigerglo: what
creativeembassy: when you're playing hangman, all you gotta do is hit everysingle key on the home row, and you automatically kick your opponent's ass
http://bash.org/?647279
<HorseC> parrots are like children... you spend 2-3 years teaching them to talk, then the rest of your life wishing you never did.
http://bash.org/?647694
MorningQueen: Why are you against abortion?
MassHypnosisJoe: I'm just against women making choices
http://bash.org/?648305
<Demon Beaver> So, at the LAN-party, there was a new guy.
<Demon Beaver> And when he went for a drink, we snuck up to his pc, and created a folder called Horse-Porn on the desktop.
<Demon Beaver> Then we took a screenshot, put it as his wallpaper, and deleted the folder.
<Demon Beaver> He tried to get rid of that folder for 3 hours! ^^
http://bash.org/?648801
<Shaft> i was just reading a news headline and i thought it said "double amputee conquers everquest" and i was like whoa
<Shaft> but is said everest
<Shaft> which is far less impressive
http://bash.org/?650283
<bill> neo is spending all his time fixing his new van
<Kevin> If its new, why does it need fixing?
<bill> Kevin: heh, if you asked that question about software, it would sound completely idiotic
http://bash.org/?650907
<pengrate> Because, contrary to Window's opinion, searching the internet for ethernet drivers does not go over so well
http://bash.org/?651010
-
<Random> I wanna do a cpu stress test
<Valaris> please to install norton antivirus
<Valaris> aol
<Valaris> and windows
http://bash.org/?651404 (http://bash.org/?651404)
-
(mistersandman) aw pee
(mistersandman) they require you to register it on the internet
(X_Stickman) well with your 100% perfectly legal copy i'm sure you have no objections
(mistersandman) oh of course not i just.. dont have an internet connection
-
mysteryparabola3 : at work today, my boss and another guy were talking about their status on the computer
mysteryparabola3 : and my boss say "oh crap, i'm Amber" and the other guy says "yeah, i used to be Amber"
mysteryparabola3 : and i said "yeah, before the operation"
mysteryparabola3 : he just stared at me
http://bash.org/?652817
<reva> so I was babysitting my cousin's kid the other day. who's like, 15 months old.
<reva> he was trying to get up on the computer chair, so i put him up there.
<reva> he just starts randomly banging on the keyboard randomly
<reva> and the first thing that pops up says "Are you sure you want to delete Internet Explorer?"
<reva> I hit "no" (because it's my parents computer).
<reva> so he starts hitting more keys...
<reva> the next thing that comes up: "Are you sure you want to delete Outlook Express?"
<reva> ...I've never had more hope for humanity than that moment.
http://bash.org/?653828
D1v1d3 8y Z3r0: i got owned by my bio TA earlier in the year
D1v1d3 8y Z3r0: she was like "So, what are some possible effects from mutated genes?"
D1v1d3 8y Z3r0: i said "Well, it could cause different coding of proteins, or it could cause you to develop special powers, like retractable claws from your hands"
D1v1d3 8y Z3r0: the TA was like, "Wrong. Those claws are government implants. Wolverine's mutant power is his healing ability."
http://bash.org/?654170
<blazemore> my brother is in a quake3 clan
<blazemore> and he had a ctf game tonight
<blazemore> we were walking out of tilt
<blazemore> his friend goes "dude hurry up, you're gonna be late for you clan meeting"
<blazemore> and these black guys were walking by
<blazemore> and looked like they were about to kick our asses
http://bash.org/?654603
Charmaine----: I'm a 26 year old single mom ;-)
Kolobos Psychi: Holy crap! a black women IMed me! @_@
Charmaine----: How did you know I was black?
http://bash.org/?654608
<sh4ve> hehe, i wrote a assembly proggy to convert normal numbers to roman ^^
<GodOfGoats> You are so MCCCXXXVII
http://bash.org/?654674
<Heiler> I feel stupid asking this, but how many pints are in a cup?
<Swinky> it depends on how big the cup is
<Heiler> Thanks, suddenly I don't feel so stupid.
http://bash.org/?655055
-
Imagine my surprise at finding this on the random bash page:
* jitspoe feels fembot... fuzzy
* Fembot shaved
<jitspoe> not there you didn't
http://bash.org/?18486
-
< alx> wow irc feels like television right now
< alx> 75 channels and not a thing worth watching
http://bash.org/?664028
SpUnGe14: I should name my nuts Trinidad and Tobago
skater067: or
skater067: the virgin islands
SpUnGe14: Ouch
http://bash.org/?663524
<DjK> well, I noticed that the noise my kid makes when he gets into a tantrum at the shops wanting chocolate is EXACTLY the same noise he makes when I accidentally cut off the top of his finger when he's helping me prepare the carrots.
<Rovie> ...
<DjK> and they say I'm a bad parent - but I notice these little things!
http://bash.org/?664122
<Claes> hey
<Claes> I was just thinking...
<Claes> If someone sent you 10 cd's and a note saying: 9 of these cd's contain porn. The last one fries your computer.
<Claes> what would you do?
* Claes Quit (Ping timeout)
http://bash.org/?662153
-
...DON'T LET THIS THREAD DIE!
<@kiafaldorius> is it just me or is it cool that 1337 (string) converted to hex becomes 31333337?
<Pedlya> So I got this really big usb drive, and me and my dad are trying to put excrement on it.
*Simpe has entered #cancelled
<Pedlya> my dad said its too big, and I guess it was
<Pedlya> so my mom comes in and is trying to push it in...it still didnt go in
<Pedlya> my brother uses his and it fits fine, so we just use his
* Simpe has quit IRC (I dont want to know dude... )
TTim2627: i try to restrain from illegal activities on sundays
igcatastrophe:really? I don't. i figure, gods resting, get him in his blindspot
TTim2627: africa?
<BigMac> Omg, My dad’s just died suddenly in hospital…
<BigMac> I’m gonna go see his corpse in the morgue…
<Pleston> I doubt that.
<BigMac> What?
<Pleston> Well, firstly, any person would go see their father BEFORE mourning to us about it.
<Pleaston> Secondly, I remember your other father dying about two weeks ago, on another chat.
** BigMac has quit (quit: be quiet)
<Pleaston> Thought so
omg its zack wtf: my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
<LenaWarrior> Does Australia float around or is it stuck there
<KoreaPro> Are you serious?
<+Zeraliten> intercourse!! That cat needs to die a horrible death. He's chewed through the wires on my $120 headset
<@CCFreak2K> Zeraliten, electrical tape can take care of that.
<Teqonix> What, killing the cat, or fixing the headphones?
<Merrick178> OMFG
<Merrick178> My Mom just called and I sound like my dad
<Merrick178> She said "Is that you?" I said "Yea" She said "Im glad you answered cause boy am I horny!"
<Merrick178> AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
<Merrick178> WTF
<Merrick178> IM GONNA GO STAB MYSELF IN THE HEAD NOW
<overkill_78> So this chick came over today.
<overkill_78> We talked for hours.
<overkill_78> Then she went to go take a piss.
<overkill_78> I busted in on her while she was pissing, and she got mad at me.
<overkill_78> So I trapped her in my room and set my room on fire.
<overkill_78> booger is dead now.
<camdaman86> How are you not in jail?
<overkill_78> It was in The Sims.
<Cerebus> being bi-polar must suck
<Kender> well yes and no
liz: you know if love was measured in kb's ...it would take HOURS for me to upload my love for you.
mikey: *taps your forehead* that's because of your small upstream bandwidth dear.
mikey: <3
liz: hahahhahahhahahhaha
liz: god i love it when you talk dorky to me
mikey: also, i seem to be dropping syn packets.
mikey: i suspect a collision somewhere on your train of thought.
liz: ping www.loveformikey.com
mikey: host not found :-(
-
man i love bash.org
-
Meh, I didn't laugh at any of them from this last batch, but the 1337 one was kind of cool.
-
:o
^Looks a little too shocked.
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#43949 +(314)- [X]
<_absent> I wish j00 could modify chicks like you can do to pc's all plug and play and excrement
<_absent> if she talks to much
<_absent> pull out her sound card
<APE_> heh
<UzzaGangsta> nah man
<UzzaGangsta> have a control panel
<UzzaGangsta> mute the complaint and talkative channels
<_absent> j00 could upgrade her tits
<APE_> install linux on her and customize away
<ShadowofBob> and change her appearence =)
<UzzaGangsta> overclock her sex drive O_O
<_absent> she could playback mp3's too
<UzzaGangsta> ja
<APE_> and rip dvds on the fly
<ShadowofBob> you'd probably add ports and drives to her :P
<UzzaGangsta> heh shes already got the port im interested in O_O
<_absent> women really should conform to standard pc architecture
<_absent> it'd own
<ibor132> yeah it would
-
I like them 64-bit Dual-Core girls.
-
I don't. Split personalities, plus they can think faster than me.
-
<Argentius> I fell asleep again in class today...
<Darkersun> that sucks man, what did the teacher do?
<Argentius> I am the teacher >.<
kixor: well, how are you going to get around the north american ip ban?
Kovia: duh, last i checked i live in texas
Kovia: and texas is south america
Kovia: way to go, idiot
That one's for KnacK, since he lives in south america.
<WeirdBeard> well my dad is icelandic, my mother is cuban
<WeirdBeard> i'm an icecube
<sigafoo> i realized i loved my girlfriend when i said to her
<sigafoo> <3
<sigafoo> and she said "<3.14159265" back...
<JonTG> Man, my penis is so big if I laid it out on a keyboard it'd go all the way from A to Z
<JonTG> wait, excrement
-
LMFAO
A to Z made me laugh so hard
-
Some randoms:
<zathras> This game of rhymes is eating at my brain, I beg of thee, sir, for the love of god, refrain!
<Deliphos> I cannot! In my blood it doth runneth! Hush thee now, lest I cap with my gunneth!
<Yukanojo> Man, dyn.optonline.net just took a massive excrement
<SPOONprez> Yukanojo: too much fiber in the network? :D
<Jinxed> [N] Cannot join channel #vagina (Invite only)
<Kreegle> story of your life eh Jinxed?
<raven> Any cat people here? I've got a problem with Nicky...
<Leth> I've been known to be handy with a wok
<Lore> Why, I'm a cat person.
<raven> I took Morgan to the vet yesterday - he was gone for a total of 45 minutes, got two vaccs and a blood draw.
<raven> Brought him home and Nicky went BALLISTIC.
<raven> Spent the rest of the night yowling and hissing and attacking MOrgan.
<CrazyClimber> nicky smells the hospital smells on morgan
<Lore> Yeah, I've seen that happen.
<raven> Is there anything I can do to get the hospital stink off him, then? Pack his carrier in coffe grounds or something?
<tieboy> how about a bath
<CrazyClimber> just give it a day or so
<Lore> We tried catnip and butter, and neither worked.
<agent_orange> butter?
<agent_orange> you buttered your cat?
<Lore> Yes.
<raven> it's the best way to butter the house.
<raven> Cats are effective butter delivery units.
<Lore> We read somewhere to put butter on a cat's forehead.
<agent_orange> did the emolient facilitate insertion?
<Lore> And the other cat licks it off, and likes the first cat, because it tastes like butter.
<Lore> As I said, it didn't work.
<agent_orange> you read sopmewhere to put butter on the cats foreWHAT THE intercourse WERE YOU THINKING
<tieboy> rub the two cats together vigorously until they smell like each other
<agent_orange> piss on them both at the same time
<tieboy> KITTY TASTES LIKE BUTTER
<raven> It's more fun to put tape on their feet.
<agent_orange> why not do both
<agent_orange> and then get out the handycam
<Lore> I believe what I was thinking was "Maybe it will work. And even if it doesn't, I get to butter the cat's forehead."
<agent_orange> AFHV would *love* some footage of sticky-pawed, freshly buttered cats trying in vain to avoid a stream of steaming miller lite
<Samwise> You know what helps with feuding cats, Lore? Sending me lots of cash.
<agent_orange> now, see, I read somewhere --
<agent_orange> I think it was leviticus
<agent_orange> -- that what you should do is frost them
<agent_orange> betty crocker, right out of the can
<raven> Chocolate or buttercream?
<Leth> rave: go chocolate, buttercreme isn't pareve
<CrazyClimber> you're frosting meat?
<agent_orange> and then there'a always Cat Wellington
<agent_orange> "What are you doing in the kitchen, dear?" "Just buttering the cat, pumpkin!"
<agent_orange> "Why don't you baste the chicken while you're at it, too, dear?" "Baste the ... *light bulb* ...Sure! Sure, I'll 'baste the chicken'!"
<CrazyClimber> a google images search for "buttered cat" returns a picture of isaac hayes
<agent_orange> chocolate salty cat balls
-
NEDM can make butter on a cat cool.
-
Rofl at that last one.
-
laughed through the whole thing
-
lmfao thats great
-
<Lapsus> Okay, I get an error beep, anyone want to help me decipher it?
<Lapsus> it's just regular, long beeps.
<Lapsus> beeeeeeep. beeeeeeeep...
<Fox> its merrydar. it must be picking up on a local source
<kam`> you know... i used to have a crush on you
<Katie> Oh? and what did you learn?
<kam`> i have very low standards
itchy92: Aha! I figured out why all the 1337 hackers in movies use Linux.
theNihil: Um, because it's mysterious and unknown to mainstream movie viewers?
itchy92: No, man. It generates so much output so easily.
itchy92: Need a scrolling console window to make it look like you're doing something? Type any nonsensical word with a verbose switch and BAM! you've got scrolling text for like 3 hours. So it seems like you're engaging in some hardcore NSA decrypting when in fact, you're compiling ksolitaire or something.
<Jesus> The guy does not understand the concept of the "Shift" key
<Noser> the what key/
Dev100666: I bet in 1997 you would not have guessed you would be getting married before duke nukem forever came out
<kan> the nigerian government has orderd 1,000,000 of those "100 dollar laptops" for its people.
<kan> just what we need more nigerians sending email.
<Swiich> remember how I went to the hospital on tuesday?
<Swiich> I screwed up my liver from chugging an entire bottle of cough syrup to trip
<_nosiop> without reading the label for other active ingredients or checking what they do online?
<Swiich> um...
<Swiich> yeah
<_nosiop> 15 minutes of research could have saved you 15% liver function or more
<svinx> yknow when you go to a party, and everyones hooked up except one guy and one girl
<svinx> and so they look at each other like.. do we have to?
<svinx> intel & nvidia must be lookin at each other like that right now
Jefferson: FOR SOME REASON MY PASSWORD ON HOTMAIL WON WORK
Mymuffinfatty: do you have caps lock on?
Jefferson: oh
Jefferson: nevermind.
Ben174: intercoursein paypal.. they need new databases or something.. seems like every other day i get an email and have to go update my account information.
<roddyboy> man it sucks...
<roddyboy> phone got stolen tonight :(
<drjazz> call someone who cares
<drjazz> oh wait
-
third from last and last were the best
-
<Ranbert> someone shoot me please....
<tele> o \O_ Arrgh!!
<tele> <\==- - - - - - - --- __/
<tele> / \ \
http://bash.org/?682409
<%spock1104> lmao, some poor bastard in florida had his house burn down thanks to a dell
<+Toba> I would make a joke about needing a firewall on his home box
<+Toba> but that's just too low
http://bash.org/?683143
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#684045 +(1475)- [X]
<Numi> I was having trouble getting screen dumps in unix so I went into #unix and said
<Numi> "Does anyone know how to do a screen dump in unix?"
<Numi> 5 minutes and no reply, so I modify it a bit
<Numi> "Two hot girls are stripping on webcam for me, how do i take a picture to show you guys?"
<Numi> 13 offers of assistance within 2 minutes. Brilliant.
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<pmcall221> I'm wondering when Windows will work they they say it will.
<Kittyflipping> You're criticizing millions of lines of code and you can't even get one sentence right?
http://bash.org/?685939
actualism: if you bet an emo kid 20 bucks that he won't kill himself, you'll either be 20 bucks richer or break even
http://bash.org/?686305
9mm: I suppose Steve Irwin should have worn sunblock to protect from harmful rays.
http://bash.org/?687224
Chico: i would never consider her at all
Chico: shes like 100% emo
Chico: to the bone
QueenRen24: aww, but emo kids are so cut
QueenRen24: e
http://bash.org/?689328
<BiG_D> Every girl who has ever been attracted to me is a vegetarian!
<BiG_D> Try to explain that!
<WolfLord> you have no meat
<WolfLord> hehe
<BiG_D> hmmm
<BiG_D> intercourse
<BiG_D> I did not see that coming
<BiG_D> Last time I tell that story!
http://bash.org/?696554
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here you go jit
* jitspoe had forgotten how time consuming modeling is
<spdif> keep your clothes on jit. no matter how much money they offer you
http://bash.org/?107288
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(talking about a guy that worked at the world trade center)
<@PowrSlave> this poor intercourse is getting divorced cuz of 9/11
<@PowrSlave> lol
<@PowrSlave> his wife filed
<@PowrSlave> he didnt go into work that morning and went to his mistresses' house instead
<@PowrSlave> had his phone off
<nonzeRo> haha
<nonzeRo> lucky guy
<@PowrSlave> he turned it on at around 11:00 and his wife was like "OMFG ARE YOU OKAY WHERE ARE YOUR?"
<@PowrSlave> hes like "im at the office honey. whats the matter?"
<@PowrSlave> lol
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lmfao.........
-
<Pongball> what's the most interesting thing that happened to you yesterday?
<Pongball> anyone!
<Arrow> Nothing yesterday
<The_Epitome> errrm
<Arrow> Well, I did get Sim Tower working yesterday
<The_Epitome> it rained extremely heavily
<The_Epitome> so I wore my ski jacket for the first time in months
<Arrow> As for today
<Arrow> I am 40 minutes from having all 601 aired episodes of Power Rangers. =/
<Crablouse> any time I feel concerned about the direction my life is going
<Crablouse> I merely have to look in here
<Crablouse> and I feel better almost instantly
<Crablouse> good work everyone
http://bash.org/?698184
<@wzpr> #000000 official irc channel of the NAACP
http://bash.org/?698219
<RockWolf> one time my friend tried to kill himself by taking 30 advil.
<RockWolf> i was like dude...why take 30 advil when you can take 3 aleve? =D
http://bash.org/?699080
<Hex77> I was in class today
<Hex77> and there was a black lady speaking about hospitality business
<Hex77> and she was like "hospitality business is all about selling people"
<Hex77> and I laughed
<Hex77> but nobody else did
http://bash.org/?700817
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<ckx> women ask for it
<ckx> they act all old and mature
<ckx> and then you stick your sock up their ass
<ckx> and they get all boogery
<ckx> "I"M ONLY 13, I'M ONLY 13!!!"
http://bash.org/?24
<Sonique> you know you've just experienced an odd moment at 3:30am when you're completely naked making an away msg for aim and your dad (clothed only in breifs) strolls by, waves, and says, "i thought i smelled something. oh well, night!", and walks off
http://bash.org/?55
lmfao
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To quote Smokey, "old". I never did see what was funny about that "only 13" quote, either.
-
i agree with jit both of those are old. and the 13 one is stupid to me.
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i find it funny
lmao.
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http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=2145433
Bash.org illustrated!
-
Oh man, those are so funny. Thanks for posting.
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<fugi> a friend of mine just got a dog from a vietnamese family today, I suggested he name it Chewy.
<b0rked> why?
<fugi> why else would vietnamese get rid of a dog?
http://bash.org/?701063
<coolbreze> heres a better qustion; what is the qucikest way to set up and FTP Server?
<SpeedEvil> coolbreze: post your root password in a warez group.
http://bash.org/?701644
<Mithandir> it's interesting how much you can tell about the designers of a product by looking at the end result
<Mithandir> for instance I can clearly tell that whomever thought it was a good idea to have "exit program" and "suspend computer" buttons on a keyboard didn't have cats
http://bash.org/?702568
On a related note, I don't think the person who invented the keyboard had cats, either.
<sd> I was once trying to explain to an exec why his account would never be absolutely secure.
<sd> Me: "If somebody wants your account information badly enough, he's going to get it. He doesn't have to hack the system, he can just get it from you."
<sd> Exec: "That's crazy, I'd never give anyone my password."
<sd> Me: "Imagine you come home and find someone's broken in. He's got a gun to your daughter's head, and he tells you he's going to shoot in ten seconds if you don't give him your password. What would you do?"
<sd> Exec: [long pause] ... Which daughter?
<sd> To this day I still don't know if he was joking. But I no longer use that example.
http://bash.org/?703138
<zealo> I need sleep....
<zealo> I went to take a crap and took off my shirt instead of my pants
<zealo> I actually sat down before i realised what was wrong
http://bash.org/?703708
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Post removed
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http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=2145433
Bash.org illustrated!
I added a couple illustrations, hehe.
-
It's been a while.
<@J^raxis> Some people have some weird fetishes. Which is fine. Then they take photos of them, which is not.
http://bash.org/?822316
<Cyan> Some dude tried to break in last night at like 2am, but I was on the comp and it's like right beside the window so I heard the bundle of twigs.
<Cyan> Anyways, I grabbed the folding chair and as soon as he was like halfway through I beat the meddling excrement out of him.
<Cyan> So he's laying here unconscious and I call the cops. Once they get here, they search him and look at what he meddling had:
<Cyan> 8 track tape (unlabeled), Flashlight (no batteries), Half eaten box of Fig Newtons, Measuring tape, Instructions to "Monopoly."
<dan> Dude, you meddling killed McGuyver!
http://bash.org/?823214
<MrAnthrope> Uhg. My graphics card keeps crashing.
<knoeki> you obviously have a drunk driver ;)
http://bash.org/?811062
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<Oasis> brb
<passi> ok
<Oasis> re
<passi> wb
<Oasis> thx
<passi> np
<Oasis> cs?
<passi> ip?
<spanky> ihr spinnt doch
http://www.german-bash.org/11488
<Sodaya> gib ma rechte im channel give me rights in chan
<shin> nö no
<Sodaya> why?
<shin> weil du oestereicher bist because you are an Austrian
<shin> den letzten oesterreicher den wir op gegeben haben hat uns in den totalen krieg gefuehrt the last austrian we gave op took us in the totally war
http://www.german-bash.org/20198
<Telefonmann> meine tochter neulich im zoo in der arktisabteilung: guck mal papi - da sind linuxe :D mine daughter recently in zoo in the Arctic Part - look dad - there are linuxe
http://www.german-bash.org/44483
I tried to translate it
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<Belial`> you still cant say anything with certainty though
<Belial`> since the bible has like, a meddling black hole between jesus being a kid and his preaching days
<Catoptromancy> Phase 1, birth
<Catoptromancy> Phase 2, ???
<Catoptromancy> Phase 3, Prophet
http://bash.org/?789185
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Declan: I dunno...I love her, but this new years is going to be uber depressing
grencez: her friends are much lamer than both of you combined
Declan: The thought of her getting high at a party where everyone is drunk while I sit at home and code Perl or something is kind of too much to bear
CyanFlux: maybe try coding something in c
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Why has bash not updated in FOREVER? Did I miss something?
-
Wasn't it down for a while?
-
yeah server problems or something
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Slimtoad20: US Airways flight 404 is flying through the Bermuda Triangle today.
Slimtoad20: Yeah, that one doesn't stand a chance.
http://bash.org/?797153
<+Scott> I had my dreams crushed yesterday. It turns out the newspaper headline "Village still looking for paedophile" wasn't a vacancy.
http://bash.org/?797984
<stratouk> ATI cards are like buses...
<stratouk> They're huge, red and have bad drivers.
http://bash.org/?778259
<@HEMI> I got in a car accident on the way home from work.
<@HEMI> I rear-ended someone.
<@HEMI> Guy gets out of his car; I get out of mine. He's a dwarf.
<@HEMI> We're sitting there waiting for the police to arrive and he goes, "I'm not happy."
<@HEMI> I said, "so which one are you?"
http://bash.org/?775869
<Jay> Did you hear about the Linux-car finishing last in the indy500?
<MrBeek> I did now ;-)
<MrBeek> Not surprised though... You know how impossible it is to find a decent driver for linux hardware?
http://bash.org/?768078
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<@Longcat> Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
<Edible> Thrown out of Windo-
<Edible> ...
* Edible goes to cry.
http://bash.org/?756448
<SaxxonPike> excrement
<SaxxonPike> I turned in a paper today
<SaxxonPike> and just now realized the title said "American Herpes"
<SaxxonPike> instead of "American Heroes"
<SaxxonPike> intercourse
http://bash.org/?756642
<CtrlAltDestroy> Here is my impression of Wikipedia.
<CtrlAltDestroy> "There are five fingers on the human hand [citation needed]"
http://bash.org/?757724
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we have Benjamin franklin on the hundred dollar bill we got Abe Lincoln on the penny obama becomes president and they will put that guy on a food stamp!!
-
PwNzAgE33: ok so in assembly language we learned that processes in the cpu get set priority levelsPwNzAgE33: 0-7, 7 being the highest priority
PwNzAgE33: this is the example the book gives
PwNzAgE33: "For example, a computer's payroll program may run overnight, and at PL0. It has all night to finish - not terribly urgent. A program that corrects for a nuclear power plant current surge may run at PL6. We are perfectly happy to let the payroll wait while the nuclear power correction keeps us from being blown to bits."
PwNzAgE33: this begs two questions
PwNzAgE33: first
PwNzAgE33: who in the hell is running payroll and a nuclear power surge correction on the same machine
PwNzAgE33: and second, if nuclear power surge correction gets PL6, what on God's green earth gets a meddling PL7?
http://bash.org/?749986
<Nomenumbra> 1 bottle of beer on the wall, 1 bottle of beer, you take 1 down, pass it around, 0 bottles of beer on the wall.
<Nomenumbra> 0 bottles of beer on the wall, 0 bottles of beer, you take 1 down, pass it around, 4294967295 bottles of beer on the wall.
http://bash.org/?753599
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<Betty> So, wanna go see a movie tomorrow
<Sokol> NO! I toled you, i haev a girlfriend!!!
<Betty> I AM YOUR GIRLFRIEND YOU STONED F**K!!!
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<marius_#acknak> Prosecutors, quoted by the Associated Press and Reuters, also said the man was carrying a CD-ROM in his baggage that contained a training programme for fighters wanting to wage "holy war."
<marius_#acknak> I wonder if this training program is based on the quake engine.
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rintin: so I fried my dads motherboard today
rintin: apparently I wasn't grounded...
rintin: now I am
http://bash.org/?743927
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cakey: Can you build websites with firefox?
imarock: can you build cars with roads?
-
Zorch: That one's not really funny since I used to make websites with Netscape back in the day.
<Analogy> The Voyager 1 spacecraft has travelled approximately 2.5 billion miles since the announcement of Duke Nukem Forever
http://bash.org/?736374
<WaterBomb> did anyone get intercoursed by the ice storm?
<WaterBomb> I'm in west vagina
<WaterBomb> we only got 6 inches
<WaterBomb> but that 6 inches plus the ice has been a pain in the ass
<WaterBomb> er, I live in west virginia
http://bash.org/?737137
<BigKahuna>so my son came home from school early
<BigKahuna>terrified look on his face
<BigKahuna>handed me two pieces of paper
<BigKahuna>one says he's been suspended for two weeks
<BigKahuna>the other is a bill for $850 for removing a mechanical bull from a swimming pool
<lhging|brb>HAHAHAHAHA
<BigKahuna>half of me knows i should punish him, but the other half just wants to say "my god i love my kids"
http://bash.org/?737488
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t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
BlackAdder> i believe i speak for all of us when i say...
BlackAdder> WRONG BTICH
BlackAdder> IM SICK OF YOU
BlackAdder> AND YOUR LAME STORIES
BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE THINKS YOURE FUNNY
BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE WANTS TO HEAR YOUR STORIES
BlackAdder> IN FACT
BlackAdder> IF YOU DIED RIGHT NOW
BlackAdder> I DON"T THINK NOBODY WOULD CARE
BlackAdder> SO WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT cigarette
*** t0rbad sets mode: +b BlackAdder*!*@*.*
*** BlackAdder has been kicked my t0rbad ( )
t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
CRCError> right
heartless> Right.
r3v> right
hahhahhaha
<T-Wolf> man, my girlfriend left me for some bundle of twigs named robert
<RdAwG20> you don't live in Hope mills do you?
<T-Wolf> ya, why man?
<RdAwG20> lol, just wondering, was her namne alisson?
<T-Wolf> you mother intercourser
-
<Raptorx5> So I found a prepaid cellphone the other day at school.
<Raptorx5> Swear to god I did.
<Raptorx5> It had a small amount of airtime left.
<Raptorx5> And a excrementload of contacts.
<Raptorx5> I called "Mommy" and left a voicemail "Your child is dead" in a low toned whisper. And then I ran out of airtime.
<Osmodius> I love you :D
http://bash.org/?734616
<ren> I meddling hate jehovahs witnesses
<ren> I saw 2 men in black suits knocking on my door so I microwaved my hard drive :\
http://bash.org/?719721
<NerdyScientist7> Okay, I'm taking a survey, want to be in it?
<bigone> sure
<NerdyScientist7> Here's the question: How stupid are you?
<bigone> what do u mean
<NerdyScientist7> Thanks for your input.
http://bash.org/?722585
For KnacK:
<VFR8> Omg
<VFR8> I was driving home today and I saw the best license plate
<VFR8> 56K SRY
http://bash.org/?724962
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<@ZoFreX> goddammit
<@ZoFreX> I forgot the definition of irony
<@ZoFreX> so I went to look it up on Wikipedia
<@ZoFreX> but Wikipedia is down
<@ZoFreX> AND I DON'T KNOW WHETHER THAT'S IRONIC OR NOT
http://bash.org/?709087
<@Hydro> so I'm trying to install this software, right?
<@Hydro> And my PC won't install it...
<@Hydro> I'm telling you, it's either my pc broke, or me being stupid.
<@Hydro> Has to be one of the three.
http://bash.org/?709214
kooooorlin: dude I meddling backed up into this car today!
lhendz: what the hell. how'd you do that?
kooooorlin: There was this meddling seagull in the parking lot at best buy like eating someones tire and I was watching it while backing up.
lhendz:.....
lhendz: what'd you do?
kooooorlin: waited for the person to come back, and when they did, they looked at their car, then at mine, and said "SOMEONE HIT OUR CARS!"
http://bash.org/?709974
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Helrich: so i was at the diner this morning, and i was really hungry.
Helrich: i got a big plate of scrambled eggs and started eating them super fast
Helrich: when i stopped to breathe, half the plate was gone and i shouted DOMINATING!!!
Helrich: everyone in the diner stopped what they were doing and stared at me for along time until someone from across the room shouted HUMILIATION!!!
Helrich: I gotta stop playing Quake.
http://bash.org/?881388
<Ndi> i have a local lan at work
<Ndi> and it has a nat
<Ndi> and it nats to the net
<Ndi> and the net is at home
<Ndi> and I have a vpm that vpns over the net to the lan at work which is natted
<Ndi> and I have a VM here that has the ability to NAT into my real home lan
<Ndi> that can be output to the net
<Ndi> so I defined the NAT there
<Ndi> so then I have access to work
<Ndi> so the packet, you see, from 192.168.88.3 to 192.168.3.22 is output, and then gets routed to 192.168.88.2, then 88.1, then my IP, then to my gateway, then net, then the work gateway then to the VPN device, then to the local gateway, then to the target pc.
<Ndi> i wonder if I can get tech support for this.
http://bash.org/?880081
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both were bad
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<Delanushorse> Dude, I was eating a chocolate bar in my kitchen the other day,
when my mom walks in
<Delanushorse> I was like "it's like an orgasm in my mouth" and my mom says "oh, believe
me, you DON'T want to know what that tastes like".
<Delanushorse> I guess she realized what she said, because she walked out really quickly.
<Delanushorse> :(
http://bash.org/?705361
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<RockWolf> one time my friend tried to kill himself by taking 30 advil.
<RockWolf> i was like dude...why take 30 advil when you can take 3 aleve? =D
http://bash.org/?699080
<anaemic> i like the word inflamable, because its like throwing a curveball at the foreigners in a very dangerous and potentially entertaining way
http://bash.org/?699245
<caddoo> why do you need condoms sent to you discreetly, you can get them in toilets, schools, chemists and they are all pretty discrete.
<EvilDr.X> I dunno, man. I had a friend who used a condom he found in a toilet, he got a really bad infection.
http://bash.org/?699258
<Hex77> I was in class today
<Hex77> and there was a black lady speaking about hospitality business
<Hex77> and she was like "hospitality business is all about selling people"
<Hex77> and I laughed
<Hex77> but nobody else did
http://bash.org/?700817
<Jarik_Tentsu> Gah, I just snorted while laughing.
<Jarik_Tentsu> And I have a cold.
<Jarik_Tentsu> Urgh, this is disgusting.
<Jarik_Tentsu> Luckily, it missed my girlfriend - they're hard to clean.
<Jarik_Tentsu> err...
<Jarik_Tentsu> *girlfriend = keyboard.
<Jarik_Tentsu> O_O
http://bash.org/?701542
<Shadow> what the intercourse
<Shadow> my moniter just went black
<Shadow> then came back on
<&Aphrodite> You're lucky
<&Aphrodite> I heard normally they never go back
http://bash.org/?702289